Thursday, October 31, 2002

31 Oct

On Saturday evening last 26’Th of October the Division Finals of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contests were held in the Hibernian Hotel in Mallow.
The evening was presided over by Michael Sexton, Division A Governor. The Contest Chairperson was Michael O’Sullivan and Topicsmaster for the evening was Greg Butler. Also in present were Linda Malloy, Mary Murtagh, Jeremiah Roynane and Chris Egan, officers of the District Committee.
Greg Butler started the evening with a 15-minute topics session and then it was into the Topics Contest. The contestants in order of appearance were, Bernadette Knopek, Joe Mc’Sweeney, Margaret O’Flynn, Anthony Galvin, Brian O’Farrell and Paddy O’Regan.
The Topic that the contestants had to speak on for 2 minutes was “The year 2050. How do you see the year 2050?” The audience of approx 200 people were treated to six very entertaining answers and on what must have been a very close score, the winner was Bernadette Knopec with Paddy O’Regan, second and Joe Mc’Sweeney in third place.
After a short break and another general topics session it was time for the Humorous Speech Contest.
In order of appearance were Joe Dunne with a speech entitled “A Whole New Ball Game” which was a humorous look at Golf and it’s origins.
Mary Buckley with a speech entitled “Join our Club” which was about learning golf as applied to herself.
Gavin Falk with a story entitled “Breakfast At Ten” which was about his B&B business and some of his guests.
Shay Rochford with a speech entitled “Miranda and the Calvin Klein Guy” which was a look at advertising.
Jim Hegarty with a speech entitled “Put a Bush in the Gap” in which Jim spoke in the first instance as a door.
Anthony Galvin with a speech entitled “A Small Problem” in which he made fun of his weight.
As in the Topics Contest, no one envied the Judges as they made their decision such was the standard on the night. The winner was Anthony Galvin with Jim Hegarty in second and Joe Dunne in third place.

Bernadette Knopec and Anthony Galvin will now represent Division A at the District 71 Conference, “The Kingdom Conference”, which is being held in “The Abby Gate Hotel” in Tralee on the weekend of November 8th-10’th.
Further information on this conference can be had via email, info@abbygate-hotel.com or phone 066 712 9888.
Speakeasy Toastmasters wish Bernadette and Anthony every success at The Kingdom Conference.
A special congratulation to Mary Buckley of Speakeasy on reaching the Division Final
Speakeasy at Halloween.
Speakeasy Toastmasters meet again tonight in Chapel Lane and as usual non-members are very welcome. Tonight will have a Halloween theme so be in your seats by 8pm.
For further information on the Club contact Sean on 086 6054784 or Pat 087 2364240 or visit the Club’s Website at www.clix.to/speakeasy. Email, speakeasymallow@eircom.net

Thursday, October 24, 2002

24 Oct

On Thursday 17’th of October The Speakeasy Toastmasters Club hosted the Area 17 Finals of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contests.
The meeting was opened by Mr Pat Sexton who welcomed the 60 strong attendance which included members of the public and Toastmasters from Speakeasy, Fermoy Toastmasters, Crusaders Toastmasters, Cork and Powdermills Toastmasters Club in Ballincollig. Toastmaster for the Evening was Mick Donnegan who started the evening by explaining the rules of the contests, the order of speakers and introduced Tim Ahearn who conducted a short topics session.

The first contestant was Brian O’Farrell from Fermoy Toastmasters with a speech entitled “How to get rid of Visitors”. “The day is long gone when we lived in tenements up in Georgian Dublin” began Brian as he reminded us of modern day living in detached or semi detached houses, guard dogs, alarm systems. We use the Internet, watch soap operas on TV and chat on the phone. “But there is an older generation who have nothing better to do than come around and annoy you” Brian suggested the following ways to deal with them. “First have no door knocker, pull out the battery of the doorbell, have not one but two angry guard dogs” so you can waste your life away watching TV and videos.

Then it was the turn of Jerry Long from Crusaders with a speech entitled “My Guru” Jerry spoke of his mythical guru whom he calls “Guru Lottocash” who waits until everyone is sitting down watching TV before he goes to work. Jerry then went on to give us a comical look at the power of advertising. “When men take a shower they get wet but when women take a shower they get dry, because “Guru Lottocash told them so”. Put Oil of Ulay on your body to put back the moisture that showering has taken away”

After Jerry it was Michael Fenton from Fermoy Toastmasters with a speech entitled “Don’t Panic” which told a story about two teenage boys who devised a plan to borrow their fathers brand new Toyota car to go to the local Macra dance without him knowing about it as he forbade them to drive the car after dark. As they approached the car when the dance was over and in the company of two girls they were horrified to see a large scratch running the length of the car. Panic set in. “we’re dead, we’re dead” said one as the other was so frightened he couldn’t open his mouth.

Then it was the turn of Kay O’Keeffe from Speakeasy with a speech entitled “Goldie”. “Hi, I’m Goldie and I’m one. I’m a Retriever” began Kay who explained that she lived in Drogheda with a girl called Mary who is “fierce nice” and they are on holidays in Cork. She lived with another family but got her walking papers for “peeing on the carpet” and “chewing up your mans Nike Runners”. She met Mary while she was tied to a bus stop but she is “a bit odd because she don’t give me any meat on a Friday” Goldie explained that if a dog is mans best friend he is also mans cheapest form of therapy keeping one half of the country fit and the other half, sane. When Mary comes home from work she, Goldie, takes her for a walk and she is all the better for it. “Puffing and panting but all the better for it”. Goldie could not stay long because she had to get her box ready and choose her collar as she was going back to Drogheda in the morning.

After Kay it was the turn of Mary Buckley, also from Speakeasy with a speech entitled, “Join Our Club” “Have you ever thought of joining a new club?” asked Mary, who continued to tell us about the one made popular by Tiger himself. Golf. Mary would like the fairways to be made more narrow “that way everyone would be able to play from the rough, not just me and the safest place for the rabbits would be on the fairway”. She once asked a friend what would she give her caddy for a present. “Your golf clubs” replied her friend. “How you progress in golf”, said Mary, “is by being handicapped and going backwards and how you know you are improving is when you are missing the ball much more closer that you used to”. She knows that she is getting better at golf as she is “hitting less spectators”. There are three ways of learning golf, by study, by imitation, or by experience but for her the right way is “to go up and hit the bloody thing”. “There is one thing in the world that is dumber than playing golf and that is watching someone else playing it,” said Mary, which is the reason why she started.

And finally it was the turn of Michael Buckley from the Crusaders Toastmasters Club with a speech entitled “No Thank You” which was a tongue in cheek look at the mannerisms and characteristics of Irish people. “We must have the largest vocabulary for describing the weather of any nation” said Michael, “ and we can become a bit confused about peoples origin”. Telling us about the 5’the generation coloured American millionaire having a drink in a pub when he was asked “what part of Africa are you from, you speak very good English?”. Michael also gave us some examples of saying no when we mean yes and that when Irish people emigrated to various countries they quickly learned that when you say no, you don’t get asked the second time.

After the speech contest it was the Table Topics Contest, which again had 6 contestants from the three clubs. Tim Casey and Elizabeth O’Brien represented Speakeasy. Crusaders, Jerry Long and John Mulvey and Fermoy Toastmasters by Kathleen Geaney and Brian O’Farrell.

Winner of the Speech Contest was Kay O’Keeffe with Mary Buckley in second place, both from the Speakeasy Club.
Winner of the Table Topics Contest was Brian O’Farrell from Fermoy Toastmasters with Elizabeth O’Brien from Speakeasy in second place.
Kay and Brian will now go forward to the division final which will take place in The Hibernian Hotel on Saturday 26’th October at 8pm

Judges for the contests were Gerdaline Burke, Jim Byrne, Cellia Carlile, Orison Carlisle, Micheál Mc’Mahon, John O’Sullivan, Jeremiah Roynane and Michael Sexton. Chief Judge was Area Governor John Skeates who congratulated the winners and wished them well in the next stage of the contest.
John also congratulated the Speakeasy Club for hosting the contest.

Timekeepers were John Dillon and Margret Moore. Sergeants at Arms were Elaine O’Donoven and Jerry Mulcahy.
For your Dairy
Toastmasters Division A final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest at The Hibernian Hotel, Mallow on Saturday 26’th October. The 12 contestants will be the winners from the five areas in Division A which has a total of 20 Clubs from counties Galway, Clare, Limerick, Cork and Kerry. A night not to be missed.

Thursday, October 17, 2002

17 Oct

Humorous Speech Contest
The October 3’rd meeting of the Speakeasy Toastmasters Club was one of the highlights of the Club’s year. It was the night of the Humorous Speech Contest. Over 40 members and guests attended the meeting, which was opened by President, Mr. Pat Sexton. Toastmaster was Sean Corcoran and Topicsmaster, Noel O’Connor. Noel started off the meeting with a, warm up, topics session and then it was time for the speeches.
Golf Handicap
Following Pat Sexton to the Lectern was Elizabeth O’Brien with a speech entitled “Golf Handicap”.“Picture the scene, I have just entered the inner sanctum of the Golf Club. Not the men’s locker room” began Elizabeth whose love affair with golf began in 1992 not when she took up the game but when she bought “ a shiny new red VW Golf”. “It was lust at first sight” as she loved and cared for it. But after a while it began to hiss at her “which would indicate a recurring problem with it’s delicate digestive system”. She persevered with the Golf and even undertook journeys to “far flung places, like Cork City” until one morning as she was running late it broke down near Blarney. She decided that day that she had “reached the 19’th hole with the Golf” and “after piggy banks were raided” she bought a new Opel Astra.
Join Our Club
After Elizabeth it was the turn of Mary Buckley with a speech entitled, “Join Our Club”
“Have you ever thought of joining a new club?” asked Mary, who continued to tell us about the one made popular by Tiger himself. Golf. Mary would like the fairways to be made more narrow “that way everyone would be able to play from the rough, not just me and the safest place for the rabbits would be on the fairway”. She once asked a friend what would she give her caddy for a present. “Your golf clubs” replied her friend. “How you progress in golf”, said Mary, “is by being handicapped and going backwards and how you know you are improving is when you are missing the ball much more closer that you used to”. She knows that she is getting better at golf as she is “hitting less spectators”. There are three ways of learning golf, by study, by imitation, or by experience but for her the right way is “to go up and hit the bloody thing”. “There is one thing in the world that is dumber than playing golf and that is watching someone else playing it,” said Mary, which is the reason why she started.
A Pig in a Poke
And finally it was the turn of Michael Dineen with a speech entitled, “A Pig in a Poke”
“Phil Collins patronised us all when he sang, “You can’t hurry love, you just have to wait”” began Michael who told us that he got sick and tired of waiting and decided to help things along by going on his first and last blind date. Some years ago he entered a charity “Blind Date” which was organised in his workplace as he was “going through a drought with women”. The contestants were kept isolated and plied with free drink “to keep morale up”. As he was being led blindfolded on stage he managed to hit shins on steps that no one told him was there. On stage the blindfold was removed to reveal a Transvestite Cilla Black called Mr.Pantie. Eventually he chooses contestant no. 3 but no romance blossomed. As a matter of fact he saw “more cold shoulder than a Siberian Butcher”. Michael’s advice to his fellow Toastmasters was to have their full senses about them when choosing a partner otherwise they could end up with “
Area Final of the Humorous Speech Contest
Tonight, Thursday 17’th October Speakeasy Toastmasters will host the Area Final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest. Performing on the night will be the winners from the 3 Clubs in Area 17, Speakeasy Toastmasters, Mallow. Crusaders Club from Cork and Fermoy Toastmasters. This final is held in Mallow just once every three years and is a night not to be missed. Admission is just 6 Euro and includes Tea/Coffee.
All Speakeasy Toastmasters Meetings are held in the Hibernian Hotel (Chapel Lane) in Mallow.
For further information on the Club contact Sean on 086 6054784 or Pat 087 2364240 or visit the Club’s Website at www.clix.to/speakeasy. Email, speakeasymallow@eircom.net.

Thursday, October 10, 2002

10 Oct

Humorous Speech Contest
The October 3’rd meeting of the Speakeasy Toastmasters Club was one of the highlights of the Club’s year. It was the night of the Humorous Speech Contest. Over 40 members and guests attended the meeting, which was opened by President, Mr. Pat Sexton. Toastmaster was Sean Corcoran and Topicsmaster, Noel O’Connor. Noel started off the meeting with a, warm up, topics session and then it was time for the speeches.
Jackets and Pyjamas
A draw for the speaking order had taken place before the meeting and first to the lectern was Michael Cronin with a speech entitled, “Jackets and Pyjamas”. “What is chivalry?” asked Michael.
And he went on to tell us about and end of exam escapade that started when he offered a female classmate his jacket one typical Irish June night. “It was freezing”. “And to my utter disgust she accepted” said Michael. At the end of the night he had to “passionately hug the storage heater for a quarter of an hour” as his classmate went home with his jacket. The downside of this chivalrous act was apparent when the class party was held in this girls house and due to a large crowd turning up, the doors to the other rooms were opened up to relieve the pressure. Michael and his then girlfriend found themselves in the bedroom where hanging on the bedpost next to a “satin bugs bunny pyjamas” was his jacket, that he had lent the night before. “Houston, we’ve got a very big problem”. “No, the age of Chivalry is not dead” declared Michael “ but on that night, I was”.
Goldie
Then it was the turn of Kay O’Keeffe with a speech entitled “Goldie”. “Hi, I’m Goldie and I’m one. I’m a Retriever” began Kay who explained that she lived in Drogheda with a girl called Mary who is “fierce nice” and they are on holidays in Cork. She lived with another family but got her walking papers for “peeing on the carpet” and “chewing up your mans Nike Runners”. She met Mary while she was tied to a bus stop but she is “a bit odd because she don’t give me any meat on a Friday” Goldie explained that if a dog is mans best friend he is also mans cheapest form of therapy keeping one half of the country fit and the other half, sane. When Mary comes home from work she, Goldie, takes her for a walk and she is all the better for it. “Puffing and panting but all the better for it”. Goldie could not stay long because she had to get her box ready and choose her collar as she was going back to Drogheda in the morning.
Vernacular Violence
Next was Pat Sexton with a speech entitled, “Vernacular Violence”. “On the run up to the Niece Referendum spare a thought for our European Friends” Said Pat “Doesn’t our turn of phrase seem somewhat scary” Who went on to give some examples. “There was a fierce crowd at the match. Picture it. A seething sea of people, wide eyed, cross eyed, fuming and foaming at the mouth, like mad cows or disappointed Kerry supporters”. Pat went on to explain that our entire vernacular has images of violence. “This pint is brutal. One can see the fist rising up out of it and bludgeoning it’s owner”. Or the man who is “taking slugs from his pint. Guinness, there’s eating and drinking in it”. Even Toastmasters are not immune to this as one can be “put down” for a speech.
Area Final of the Humorous Speech Contest
On Thursday 17’th October Speakeasy Toastmasters hosts the Area Final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest. Performing on the night will be the winners from the 3 Clubs in Area 17, Speakeasy Toastmasters, Mallow. Crusaders Club from Cork and Fermoy Toastmasters. This final is held in Mallow just once every three years and is a night not to be missed. Admission is just 6 Euro and includes Tea/Coffee
All Speakeasy Toastmasters Meetings are held in the Hibernian Hotel (Chapel Lane) in Mallow.
For further information on the Club contact Sean on 086 6054784 or Pat 087 2364240 or visit the Club’s Website at www.clix.to/speakeasy. Email, speakeasymallow@eircom.net.

Thursday, October 03, 2002

3 Oct

At the Speakeasy Toastmasters Club meeting in the Hibernian Hotel, Mallow on Thursday Sept. 19’th the Topicsmaster was Pat Duggan. Pat’s function on the night was to ask members to speak for 2 minutes on a subject of his choosing. This in Toastmasters is known a “Table Topics Session”. Pat’s choice of topics included “What was the most memorable speech you have heard in Toastmasters?”, Mick Donegan was asked. Then is was Angela Sheehan’s turn, “What is your household most like, The Waltons or the Simpsons?”. “Pat Kenny has been taken ill and you have been asked to take his place. Who would have on the Late Late Show?” was the topic Michael Cronin was asked. Finally to Jerry Mulcahy, “Do you still remember any of the poems you learned at school?”

General Evaluator was Margret O’Regan. Margret’s function on the night was to give her opinion on how the meeting was organised and ran and also to conduct the Evaluation Session. Her choice of Best Speaker was John Dillon, Best Evaluator, Michael Mc’Mahon, Best Topic, Angela Sheehan.
Then it was time for the Table Topics Contest. Entrants were Michael Cronin, Elizabeth O’Brien, Pat Duggan, Tim Casey and Sean Corcoran. As each competitor gets the same topic to speak on, competitors are held in isolation until it’s their turn to speak. The topic was “What were the best years of your life?. The winner was Tim Casey, 2’nd was Elizabeth O’Brien and Michael Cronin was 3’rd. Tim and Elizabeth now represent Speakeasy at the Area Final in The Hibernian Hotel on Thursday 17’th October.
Judges for the contest were, Sr. Bernadette and Sr. Rose from the Fáilte Toastmasters Club in Charleville. John Skeates from the Crusaders Toastmasters Club in Cork City. Tim Ahearn and Dermot Meaney from Speakeasy. Chief Judge was Jeremiah Roynane.

Also taking part in the programme for the September 19’th meeting were Timekeepers, Mary Stack and John Holmes, Sergeant at Arms were Elaine O’Donovan.

Humorous Speech Contest
Dates for your diary. Thursday 3’rd of October is the Club’s “Humorous Speech Contest” which is one of the highlights of the Toastmasters year. Members are reminded that EVP Pat Duggan still has room for one or two more entries.
Members of the public are invited to attend this meeting which is certain to be most enjoyable. Cost, just 3Euro and includes Tea/Coffee/Biscuits.
Toastmaster for the night is Sean Corcoran, Topicsmaster, Claire O’Keeffe. Timekeepers, William Healy and Bríd Ó’Keeffe and Elaine O’Donovan and Kay O’Keeffe are Seageant’s at Arms.
Area Finals
On Thursday 17’th October Speakeasy Toastmasters hosts the Area Final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest. Performing on the night will be the winners from the 3 Clubs in Area 17, Speakeasy Toastmasters, Mallow. Crusaders Club from Cork and Fermoy Toastmasters. Another superb night assured.

All Speakeasy Toastmasters Meetings are held in the Hibernian Hotel (Chapel Lane) in Mallow.
For further information on the Club contact Sean on 086 6054784 or Pat 087 2364240 or visit the Club’s Website at www.clix.to/speakeasy. Email, speakeasymallow@eircom.net.

oct 3 2002

At the Speakeasy Toastmasters Club meeting in the Hibernian Hotel, Mallow on Thursday Sept. 19’th the Topicsmaster was Pat Duggan. Pat’s function on the night was to ask members to speak for 2 minutes on a subject of his choosing. This in Toastmasters is known a “Table Topics Session”. Pat’s choice of topics included “What was the most memorable speech you have heard in Toastmasters?”, Mick Donegan was asked. Then is was Angela Sheehan’s turn, “What is your household most like, The Waltons or the Simpsons?”. “Pat Kenny has been taken ill and you have been asked to take his place. Who would have on the Late Late Show?” was the topic Michael Cronin was asked. Finally to Jerry Mulcahy, “Do you still remember any of the poems you learned at school?”

General Evaluator was Margret O’Regan. Margret’s function on the night was to give her opinion on how the meeting was organised and ran and also to conduct the Evaluation Session. Her choice of Best Speaker was John Dillon, Best Evaluator, Michael Mc’Mahon, Best Topic, Angela Sheehan.
Then it was time for the Table Topics Contest. Entrants were Michael Cronin, Elizabeth O’Brien, Pat Duggan, Tim Casey and Sean Corcoran. As each competitor gets the same topic to speak on, competitors are held in isolation until it’s their turn to speak. The topic was “What were the best years of your life?. The winner was Tim Casey, 2’nd was Elizabeth O’Brien and Michael Cronin was 3’rd. Tim and Elizabeth now represent Speakeasy at the Area Final in The Hibernian Hotel on Thursday 17’th October.
Judges for the contest were, Sr. Bernadette and Sr. Rose from the Fáilte Toastmasters Club in Charleville. John Skeates from the Crusaders Toastmasters Club in Cork City. Tim Ahearn and Dermot Meaney from Speakeasy. Chief Judge was Jeremiah Roynane.

Also taking part in the programme for the September 19’th meeting were Timekeepers, Mary Stack and John Holmes, Sergeant at Arms were Elaine O’Donovan.

Humorous Speech Contest
Dates for your diary. Thursday 3’rd of October is the Club’s “Humorous Speech Contest” which is one of the highlights of the Toastmasters year. Members are reminded that EVP Pat Duggan still has room for one or two more entries.
Members of the public are invited to attend this meeting which is certain to be most enjoyable. Cost, just 3Euro and includes Tea/Coffee/Biscuits.
Toastmaster for the night is Sean Corcoran, Topicsmaster, Claire O’Keeffe. Timekeepers, William Healy and Bríd Ó’Keeffe and Elaine O’Donovan and Kay O’Keeffe are Seageant’s at Arms.
Area Finals
On Thursday 17’th October Speakeasy Toastmasters hosts the Area Final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest. Performing on the night will be the winners from the 3 Clubs in Area 17, Speakeasy Toastmasters, Mallow. Crusaders Club from Cork and Fermoy Toastmasters. Another superb night assured.