10 Oct

Humorous Speech Contest
The October 3’rd meeting of the Speakeasy Toastmasters Club was one of the highlights of the Club’s year. It was the night of the Humorous Speech Contest. Over 40 members and guests attended the meeting, which was opened by President, Mr. Pat Sexton. Toastmaster was Sean Corcoran and Topicsmaster, Noel O’Connor. Noel started off the meeting with a, warm up, topics session and then it was time for the speeches.
Jackets and Pyjamas
A draw for the speaking order had taken place before the meeting and first to the lectern was Michael Cronin with a speech entitled, “Jackets and Pyjamas”. “What is chivalry?” asked Michael.
And he went on to tell us about and end of exam escapade that started when he offered a female classmate his jacket one typical Irish June night. “It was freezing”. “And to my utter disgust she accepted” said Michael. At the end of the night he had to “passionately hug the storage heater for a quarter of an hour” as his classmate went home with his jacket. The downside of this chivalrous act was apparent when the class party was held in this girls house and due to a large crowd turning up, the doors to the other rooms were opened up to relieve the pressure. Michael and his then girlfriend found themselves in the bedroom where hanging on the bedpost next to a “satin bugs bunny pyjamas” was his jacket, that he had lent the night before. “Houston, we’ve got a very big problem”. “No, the age of Chivalry is not dead” declared Michael “ but on that night, I was”.
Goldie
Then it was the turn of Kay O’Keeffe with a speech entitled “Goldie”. “Hi, I’m Goldie and I’m one. I’m a Retriever” began Kay who explained that she lived in Drogheda with a girl called Mary who is “fierce nice” and they are on holidays in Cork. She lived with another family but got her walking papers for “peeing on the carpet” and “chewing up your mans Nike Runners”. She met Mary while she was tied to a bus stop but she is “a bit odd because she don’t give me any meat on a Friday” Goldie explained that if a dog is mans best friend he is also mans cheapest form of therapy keeping one half of the country fit and the other half, sane. When Mary comes home from work she, Goldie, takes her for a walk and she is all the better for it. “Puffing and panting but all the better for it”. Goldie could not stay long because she had to get her box ready and choose her collar as she was going back to Drogheda in the morning.
Vernacular Violence
Next was Pat Sexton with a speech entitled, “Vernacular Violence”. “On the run up to the Niece Referendum spare a thought for our European Friends” Said Pat “Doesn’t our turn of phrase seem somewhat scary” Who went on to give some examples. “There was a fierce crowd at the match. Picture it. A seething sea of people, wide eyed, cross eyed, fuming and foaming at the mouth, like mad cows or disappointed Kerry supporters”. Pat went on to explain that our entire vernacular has images of violence. “This pint is brutal. One can see the fist rising up out of it and bludgeoning it’s owner”. Or the man who is “taking slugs from his pint. Guinness, there’s eating and drinking in it”. Even Toastmasters are not immune to this as one can be “put down” for a speech.
Area Final of the Humorous Speech Contest
On Thursday 17’th October Speakeasy Toastmasters hosts the Area Final of the Humorous Speech and Table Topics Contest. Performing on the night will be the winners from the 3 Clubs in Area 17, Speakeasy Toastmasters, Mallow. Crusaders Club from Cork and Fermoy Toastmasters. This final is held in Mallow just once every three years and is a night not to be missed. Admission is just 6 Euro and includes Tea/Coffee
All Speakeasy Toastmasters Meetings are held in the Hibernian Hotel (Chapel Lane) in Mallow.
For further information on the Club contact Sean on 086 6054784 or Pat 087 2364240 or visit the Club’s Website at www.clix.to/speakeasy. Email, speakeasymallow@eircom.net.